whitneymathews.com

Perusing through CNN.com today, I found an article titled America's healthiest beach & lake getaways. See if you notice something odd about this list:

1. Tybee Island, Georgia
2. Coronado, California
3. Monterey, California
4. Osage Beach, Missouri
5. Hilton Head Island, South Carolina
6. Zephyr Cove, Nevada
7. Bonita Springs, Florida
8. Wailea, Hawaii
9. Kelleys Island, Ohio
10. Provincetown, Massachusetts

Yep, that's the Ozarks at No. 4.

Healthy isn't really the adjective I would use to describe the Ozarks. Dirty, vomit-covered, smelly, sweaty, expensive... but not healthy. I wonder if Health.com they did their research the day after someone fished a dead body, a dozen thongs, a bottle of Jager, and some dignity out of Party Cove.

I guess the judges also forgot about the elevated levels of E. coli bacteria found in the lake last summer.

Here's the excerpt:

Osage Beach is on the Lake of the Ozarks, the most popular summer-vacay spot in the Midwest. But you won't feel crowded: The lake has 1,150 miles of shoreline. The free public beach at Lake of the Ozarks State Park in Osage Beach stood out for its fishing, kayaking and sailing, and its scenic backdrop of rolling hills and limestone bluffs. "The view is so spectacular, you won't want to leave," judge Howes says.

If you do manage to pry yourself from the park, you can play a round of golf, pick up fresh fruit at one of the many roadside stands or check out nearby Spa Shikia at the Lodge of Four Seasons.

Stay here: Bringing the kids? Tan-Tar-A Resort (starting at $100 per night) has two golf courses, an indoor water park, Jet Ski and paddleboat rentals, plus horseback riding. A great B&B alternative is The Inn at Harbour Ridge (starting at $109 per night), where you can swim or fish right off their dock.

If the Ozarks are at No. 4, I'm hesitant to ever visit No. 5-10.

You crack me up, CNN.